Thursday, March 25, 2010

One chapter closed... sorta

Well, the movers hauled my stuff yesterday. It's on its way to Texas VIA Miami. hehe
They are picking up another load. The 2 guys that came were a dad/son team. Matt Sr and Matt Jr. They are from Houston. So they had never had a cuban sandwich. So, of course, I had to get them one for lunch, and I threw in a devil crab. They looked at me funny when I told them about the devil crab... lol
They were so great, very thorough and helpful.
I was supposed to close on the house this morning, but got a call from my realtor last night that there was a 'glitch'. I hate glitches. Apparently the buyer and his lender had a difference of opinion on what the cash down payment was supposed to be. $3000 difference. My realtor assures me that they are still in love with the house, they have the money, they just want to deal with their lenders first.... My realtor says we are ok with time since our original closing date isn't till the 30th , and she is sure we will be done before then.
In the meantime, I wait....
And of course, yucky news don't come one at a time. Fred got the home inspection report on the house we are trying to buy and it has problems. Lots of problems, and not little either. So, he is going to speak with the inspector, get his view on the matter and possible cost. If we feel it's worth moving forward, we'll contact the sellers and see what they will do. Otherwise, it's back to square one. Again....
But you know, I have no feelings on this whole matter. I am just tired. We are supposed to leave the morning of the 31st (next Wed.) after I take Katie and Matt to school. Yeah, I said "we".
Mom is going to Tx with me. Not really by choice on either of our parts. It came down to last Thursday night and she had nowhere to go. She'd said all along that she would rather go to a shelter than go to Tx. Well, I told her Thursday night it was time to call a shelter.... Of course, that didn't happen. We were able to contact the movers and add mom's stuff, which is a relief. Otherwise, we were going to put it in storage here indefinitely.
This has not been pleasant. Mom's state of mind is bad, but she is sure that I am making things up and lying to her just to make her feel like she is insane. Now, how do you reason with someone like that?
I miss my husband. I know when I get to be with him, all this 'stuff' will be easier to handle.

Friday, March 12, 2010


what do you do when someone you love with all your being says they don't care at all about you?

Do you love them anyway and get hurt over and over again?

Do you walk away from them, though that might kill you?

Not really looking for answers. I guess prayers would work best....

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Will I still love Him

In the movie Fireproof, there is a couple who haven't been able to get pregnant. In one scene, the husband asks the wife "If God chooses to not give us any children, will you still love Him?". She doesn't answer him right then. But at the end of the movie, when she gets a report from the Dr. that she isn't pregnant yet again (even though she was, it was a mistake), she stops in the parking lot, crying and says "yes, Lord I will still love you". To me, that was the most powerful part of the movie. To have faith to know that God knows better in all the circumstances we will face.
Well, how quickly things can change.... I have had a very hard couple of days. Mom has a social worker that has been trying to find a place for mom to live that she can afford. Mom is VERY hard headed and is determined she has to have a 1 bedroom apt and live independently. Well, she can't afford just any apt. on her social security. And, to be honest, she is not well enough to live alone. Her social worker has found a couple of assisted living places, but mom has STRONGLY turned them down. Her social worker is very concerned that time is running out and mom will be out in the street when I leave. So her social worker has said if it comes to that, she will have to take drastic measures to place mom. Forcibly. This would be a devasting thing.

Then, I have found that the man who Andy said would let him move in hasn't made a decision yet. It's been 3 weeks since Andy asked him, so I don't know what the problem is.

AND the house we put a contract on in Tx has a major problem: septic system has to be completely replaced. It's $6100. The sellers are willing to put $2100 towards it. Fred feels this isn't good enough (me too). So unless they change their mind and give more, we are walking away from the house.

Yeah, all of this hit me in a day and half. Needless to say, I have had a 'crisis of faith'. And, of course, after boasting on how I have had a peace about all that was happening, I've had people bring it up: where is your faith?

So I have been evaluating the situation and myself. First of all, I am human. I will fall. I have to accept that, and not beat myself up for 'not having enough faith'. Secondly, I DO have to be reminded. God is in control. I have to trust Him not only when He pouring out blessings but also when He is working through tough circumstances. My sweet daughter told me if we don't get the house it's because He has a better one for us. I know that is true, but it was good to hear it from her.

I have to remember that I cannot control the consequences people I love have to face due to their own actions. That is a hard one.

But I can pray. Fred asked me yesterday afternoon when I was freaking out on the phone, 'have you prayed?". I had to admit, in the midst of the whole mess, I hadn't. Again, needed to be reminded. So I am praying. Praying God continues to work things out (because I know He has been all along). Praying He will hold me up when I want to crawl under the covers.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strenthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you in my rightous right hand.

Another thing, please keep the Caddells in your prayers as well. The buyers for their house had to back down. Their house is back on the market. That was a devasting blow to them. But they too have faith that God is in control.

Friday, March 5, 2010

How amazing is God? Let me count the ways!!

I am in complete AWE of how God is being so gracious to us Nassars! I started to look back and see how He has orchestrated everything down to the smallest detail, and I fet like sharing!

1- Granted our heart's desire and gave Fred a job (great job) near his brother in Texas
2-Sold our house in 3 weeks, and pretty close to our asking price
3-Gave Fred a place to stay with his brother rent free
4-Gave Fred a pay increase on his 1st paycheck (2010 increase)
5- Has been with Steph as she is making a fresh start: got a new apt, her UNOs shut down but was requested by another store to come work for them where it may be more money
6- Gave Andy a place to live with his soccer coach
7- Allowed Becky's house to sell the same week ours did, so I don't feel bad about heading to Texas before my best friend!
8- Movers coming on the 22nd, closing is on the 31st, so I needed a place to stay... Becky needs me to house/kid sit from 21st to 31st, so there it is!
9- Fred can't come down for closing so I will have to travel to Tx by myself. WAIT, no! The Caddells are going to San Antonio on April 2nd to house hunt, so I get to caravan with them!
10- I will be taking Kaya with me, so I felt bad about asking Caddells to work with me about the hotel needing to be pet friendly... NO WAIT... they are taking their dog with them so we need the same thing!
11- Fred found a house in Tx and will be putting a bid on it today. It's small but fits our needs. And WAIT.... I have been IN this house before! It used to belong to his brother about 4 years ago. So I have actually stayed in our 'potential' new home!

I am telling you, it's mind boggling at how well things have been going with this whole new turn of our lives. The only thing that is still up in the air is my mom.... She still doesn't have a place to go. She is ABSOLUTELY not going with me. (she said she would rather be in a shelter than go)
That is the first thing people ask me when they see me "what about your mom?" I tell them I have no idea, but I am not worried. So, either I am REALLY naive, or God has helped my faith grow by leaps and bounds and I know He will handle this too.... I tend to go with the second one.

I have missed my husband terribly, but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will see him in 30 days!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Last day at School

This is my "Posse".....
This past Friday was my last day of school. So I thought it would be appropriate to have us all dress like Texans and wear cowboy hats. (ok, I know I just did a stereotype, sue me!)
I bought all the kids in my class hats and bandannas. They went crazy over them! We walked into the cafeteria at lunch with our hats and all of the K5 classes (7 of them) went crazy shouting: ooohh! cowboys! The lunch ladies lost control of the room. And that was exactly the response I was looking for! See, my kids are an ESE class. Whether intentional or not, we sometimes get left out of stuff at school... so it was nice to have a spotlight on my class for a change.
PLUS, it was a great tool for good behavior. You could only wear your hat if you were a good listener!
Now, this fella was a guest of the school Friday.
Our school had a contest to raise money for the Cancer Society. Kids would give a $1 for a vote on which teacher or administrator would have to KISS the PIG. I don't know for sure, but I think it was rigged, cuz our Principal was the 'winner'.
The whole school got to go out in the field and watch Mr. Shields kiss this lovely. I missed it cuz I had to go to the office and pick up the pizza for my class that we ordered.... But the kids told me he did it!
I will miss the kids, MOST of them. One of the girls (the chubby one on the left) said she was going to Tx with me. I asked her if she got permission from her mom and she said YES! haha

I have a month still before I leave for Tx, but there is so much I have to get done, I really didn't want to have to work around my work schedule. And as it turned out, I quit at the right time. Mom has a lung biopsy this week. We spent half the day today doing pre op stuff and then we'll be at the hospital half the day again on Thursday. I would have had to ask for those 2 days off. This way, they already have a replacement for me and they aren't short handed.
I am going back on Friday morning. It's "Dr. Seuss" week this week and they are having green eggs and ham in the morning....can't miss that! lol